3 Year Old Wants to Be a Baby
"I'grand a bit lost. My older child is 2 years and ten months old. For the past calendar week he's been telling me he's a babe. I acknowledge his comments by playing pretend that he's a babe, simply I'thou concerned about whether I'm doing the right affair. He asks to exist fed (when he has been doing it on his ain for a year), and he wants to be picked up all the time. I wonder if jealousy finally kicked in (my younger one is now 18 months onetime and more than vocal), and he feels displaced by his sister? I admit in that location'due south been occasions where I don't play along and tell him in a nice way that he can practise it on his own because he's a big boy. How practice you arroyo this?" – Ana
Hullo Ana,
Yes, I think you nailed information technology: "I wonder if jealousy finally kicked in (my younger i is now 18 months old and more vocal), and he feels displaced past his sis?"
The emotional procedure of accepting a new sibling is unique to each child. Some children announced almost unnerved during their mother'south pregnancy, perhaps anxious nigh all the mysterious, impending changes they sense but for which they have no frame of reference. These children might even experience relieved when the baby finally arrives and becomes a reality for them.
Other children might be only slightly rattled during the pregnancy and far more uncomfortable after the birth when they experience the sudden shift in their parents' focus. Still others don't feel the sting of rivalry until their baby sibling hits developmental milestones that brand them seem like an bodily "person" and a greater threat, like when the baby begins crawling, walking or, as in your example, Ana, talking. Peculiarly sensitive children feel waves of discomfort throughout all of the above.
Acting similar a baby can serve ii master purposes:
- Play therapy
Playing out a fantasy of reverting to babyhood is 1 of the means children process their feelings effectually this major life adjustment, and we can help them by accepting and trusting this beliefs (rather than existence concerned, annoyed, or judgmental about it). It is through play that children explore, sympathise, heal, and gain a sense of command over their feelings around new and uncomfortable experiences. Play therapy also helps children explore the perspectives of others. Through imitation kids tin can endeavor on that person's shoes (or booties, in this instance), which helps them to understand and empathize with that person'south experience. This is likewise why children sometimes imitate the behaviors and personality traits of their peers or characters from books and movies. If this "make believe" behavior gets a nervous, negative or uncomfortable reaction from parents, children might exist compelled to continue testing that.
- Physical nurturing and unconditional acceptance
Infants become a lot of easily-on care, nurturing, and amore, and so information technology'due south understandable that a child who feels unsettled by the addition of a sibling would want to recapture some of that physical love. Information technology's also common for young children to deed out their uncomfortable feelings through impulsive limit pushing behavior that might be directed at the parents, the babe or both. Equally challenging as information technology can be for u.s. to sympathize with our children in these situations (I share more about that Here), our harsher reactions tend to intensify their feelings of hurt and rejection. The unconditional dearest that the baby is receiving looks very attractive in comparison.
But none of this means that parents should feel obliged to listen all our children's requests to exist fed and carried, etc. Children don't need united states to play forth with babyish behaviors and so much as fully accept and let them.
Accept
Acceptance stems from trusting that the behavior is serving a salubrious purpose for our child and, therefore, not being judgmental about it or worrying that he's losing his abilities to talk, walk or wearing apparel himself, etc. And so nosotros don't try to fix the behavior, nor do we coax or shame him to end it. And because we don't perceive it as a need or need nosotros must fulfill, we don't permit it get on our nerves.
Prepare articulate boundaries and trust the feelings
In your example, Ana, I would not "tell him in a nice manner that he tin can do it on his own because he'south a big boy." Instead of trying to talk him out of his asking, be clear and comfortable with asserting your boundaries.
"You want me to option you up. I tin't right now, but in a few minutes I'm going to sit on the sofa and I'd love to have you on my lap." And then if he continues to ask or becomes upset, you might acknowledge, "You really wanted me to carry yous and I said no. That'southward upsetting." Trust him to express his feelings for as long as he needs to in response to your reasonable limits. This is how children heal their pain.
Play along wholeheartedly — or not at all
Children deserve our honesty and clarity. Information technology's unfair and unloving to begrudgingly requite in to please them. Our resentment creates guilt for them and poisons our parent-child relationship. We are the only ones who can prevent this from happening, which is why it'southward so of import to stay tuned in to own needs, wants, and boundaries. And so, if we are fully on board and available to spoon feed, deport or play with our kid, we should do it with gusto. If not, we should kindly and clearly say no and non approximate or resent our kid for request. Nosotros might respond, "I love feeding you lot, my baby, but I'grand going to accept this time to eat my own food along with yous."
Pay undivided attention
In that location'due south another reason children acquit like babies besides the 2 I mention in a higher place. It's an attention getter. Unfortunately, the attending information technology ordinarily gets from parents is annoyance and impatience, which is not helpful. Then, likewise perceiving this behavior as salubrious and not letting it carp us, we can too help alleviate the urgency for it by fulfilling our children's attending needs (which are a lot easier to fill than their 24/seven attention wants). I of the best ways to practice that is to put aside all our distractions during caregiving activities like dressing, bathing, diapering (or potty help), mealtimes and bedtime rituals and exist fully available to our child in those interactions. Nosotros won't be able to practice this every time, but we tin seize these opportunities equally all-time we tin. Our engaged presence while our child plays, putters or just hangs out with us is an added bonus.
Ana, I hope this answers your questions and isn't fashion more than yous wanted to know.
I share more well-nigh being confident leaders and setting limits with empathy in
No Bad Kids: Toddler Discipline Without Shame.
Source: https://www.janetlansbury.com/2017/03/my-child-is-acting-like-a-baby/
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